Slouched
alone
in a double
bus seat
Caught my face
reflecting
on
rattling
PLEXI-GLASS
some border-line
between front
and back.
Suddenly
a senorita
and her
long
dark
locks
lent
backward
before me
on the other side
revealing
the
reflection of a
skinny stranger
behind me
in his double bus seat
unnoticed
I watched his
twitchy observations
as he placed a stoge
behind one sunburnt
ear
the bus just
sways and jerks
sometimes stopping
but
always going on.

~CRYSTAL SORBER 5/21/2008~

dry spell

Really my dear sweet blog, I am sorry!!!

my days have been long and empty,
spent watching the sun slide
over and away from my
old dusty venetian blinds.
At least
at last, I think
I may have found my mind
such a place,
smelling of musty tomes
incense and
comfort in a silent home
one of a few
sweet warm refuges
that
once lost is hard
again
to find!

at least 3 she-s, wonder out loud "why won't she talk to me?"

my best reason is, that I am skeptical towards respecting someone more than they respect me. why entertain such a power struggle where one's not wanted? that is not friendship it is work, it is servitude.

I am through with taking a knee before the undeserving, to humor my humility. it's humiliating, really.

I won't stand for it.

I have to start writing for myself again.

odin knows I've got no one else to be writing for.

I want to explode with words but the pen feels so slow. my fingers creak. I need to move.

my enthusiasm is so quickly exhausted, and I can't stop this feeling-- that I'm pretending and being fickle. humbly bowing to my own stupidity.

it's fucking 4am and I can't muster any dreams.

I've had a terrible streak of disrupted sleep till last night and my nap this afternoon. no more silly, sleepy imagination, not a speck of doubt left in me. I couldn't be better.

I am getting headaches again though. I found the symptom, I need the cure.

but I'm not that desperate.

Codie is gone. I was away for a while, but now I'm home, trying not to hear how quiet it is without him here. my mind keeps tricking me into listening for the subtle sounds of floorboards or cracking joints. I could swear I heard his collar last night.

besides that, I found my wallet last night and I'm not letting drama stick to me. still job hunting. hopefully minimum wage dealies will be lookin for help when all the kids go back to school.